The week started with a bang as He Who Shall Not Be Named gave an executive order to close America’s borders to refugees and immigrants from seven Muslim-majority countries. People holding so-called green cards, making them legal permanent US residents, are included in this ban. Social media exploded in response, easy to be ‘disgusted’ of Devon in the comfort of your own home; some more active people took to the streets to protest and made some very imaginative banners, which I believe are being housed in a makeshift museum for those who didn’t make it on the day. Some of us don’t even have to travel that far as we have had the edited highlights on Social media for three days.
After The Novelty Wore Off…
…there was a bit of a dip in the news. We were subjected to articles and opinions from Trichologists on the highs and lows of not using shampoo after Gary Barlow revealed he hadn’t used it in fourteen years. Even KT Hopkins resorted to tweeting about finding unidentified hair in her washing up bowl, followed by a random dig at James Martin’s weight gain. I kid you not, even the BBC had an article on Gary Barlow’s hair washing practises in the featured column on their website.
Things Started To Pick Up Again…
…when MP’s voted by a majority of 384 to allow Mrs May to get negotiations for BREXIT under way. I didn’t see a thing about it on Social Media, where did all the gloating Leave voters disappear to. No middle finger to the remainers, no memes, nothing. I’m pretty sure they weren’t still making their way home after marching against the Muslim ban in the US. Fear not, things really reached an all time high when Beyonce Trumped (see what I did there) He Who Shall Not Be Named with her darling Instagram pic; posing in mis matched undies and wearing a veil she announced that she had, not one, but two buns in the oven. This became Instagram’s most liked post of all time. That’s where everyone was that day, they were all on Instagram, they missed the rest of the news.
What’s up with Eastenders? On Thursday Martin Fowler looked wistfully across the market Square and said, “ It’s like nothing ever happened”. You’re right Martin, nothing did. Apart from the Bus crashing into the square, we didn’t get any of the deaths that were being speculated about. No deaths at all. You made me look like a right chump writing about the BBC’s redundancy policy, death and no reward. Everyone is just walking around with silly expressions on their faces, as Bonnie Langford aka Carmel Kazemi, buys the stallholders bacon butties and promises that no-one will ever relocate their Market. Clearly she was promoted when I wasn’t looking.
You have to love the parallel between Deidre’s educational experiences and the 1980’s film Educating Rita, starring Michael Caine and Julie Walters. Determined to better herself, after a pastoral chat with her tutor, she faces her sister, Kim, armed with a literary style review of their lives that knocks her down to size. Go Dee.
I saw a total of 90 minutes of this series this week. And to be honest words completely fail me. It’s like One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest meets When Celebrities Are Down On Their Luck, another suitable Channel 5 programme title. I’m just going to leave it there.
My Biggest News Worry Of The Week
I’m really concerned about the vegetable crisis due to the poor weather in Spain and some other European countries. Lettuce and Broccoli being limited to 3 per customer. Some supermarkets aren’t having this problem but are limiting purchases to prevent panic buying when customers can’t get an iceberg in Tesco. Apparently there is going to be a shortage of leafy vegetables grown outdoors until April. I can cope with frozen veggies but not lettuce! This is serious.
We wave a fond farewell to Peter Capaldi who has been my favourite Dr Who so far, I say that about every Doctor.
Let’s all send hugs to Kylie the top pop Princess who broke off her engagement this week after suspecting her fiance was up to no good with a co-star. Big hugs Kylie.
Now that He Who Shall Not Be Named has appointed Mickey Pence as his Vice President we can all sleep peacefully as Donald and Mickey run the country, Go Walt Disney.
Disclaimer: Referring to He Who Shall Not Be Named as He Who Shall Not Be Named is not intended to represent any personal political bias. It is merely in an attempt to give everyone a break from reading his real name.