If you spend a lot of time on trains on the great rail network of the UK you’ll recognise these people.
1. The DJ
The person who thinks everyone on the train wants to hear his/her’s music. Most people have phones with music on nowadays and use their headphones, but some people take it to the extreme. If I can hear your dodgy YouTube rip of Anaconda, over my own music, your music is too loud. Also, Google ‘tinnitus’. Yeah you heard me. Or maybe you didn’t.
2. The Phone Caller
The person who thinks we all need to hear how his/hers day at work has gone, what they’re having for tea, what film they’re going to see at the cinema, etc… People who make phone calls in a train carriage should be sent to the naughty step. Unless you’re one of the amazing people who seem to be able to get signal in tunnels. If you’re one of them, can you show me your trick so I don’t get halfway through my youtube video on the top 5 conspiracy theories and have to watch the little buffer circle for another 20 minutes whilst my 4g tries to re connect.
3. The Business Man/Woman
This person is a regular. Normally wearing a suit, clutching a starbucks cup full of self importance who sits down at the table, surveys us mere mortals and then gets out an 8 year old laptop running Windows XP and turns into person number 2 when they start calling their business friends to discuss shares and other clever stuff I dont understand.
4. The Students
These people often travel in great numbers, convinced we all want to hear their stories of the times they snorted a packet of super noodle flavouring before taking a bath. They usually have some form of drink with them and take it upon themselves to drink as many cans of their cheap generic lager (blue can with a yellow bit on it, you know which one I mean). Usually headed to (or from) some night out or other.
5. That person that thinks everyone is their friend
The worst type of commuter. The people who sit next to you, smile then begin to talk to you. I’m busy learning about why men didn’t actually land on the moon remember, I don’t want to hear about your pet cat or why you normally get on a class 41 diesel carriage but decided to wait for this train because its a class 42 and you thought you would treat yourself. I’m happy in my own little world and you decided to talk to me. Brill.